1) Anything by the brilliant Alice Bradley at Finslippy, but specifically this post. Still funny nearly two years later. Too murfy, indeed.
2) McSweeney's lists. Here's one for anyone who has ever participated in a writing workshop, one for cinephiles, and this is just a little good, honest, political bathroom humor. Enjoy.
3) And, wouldn't you know it, I hear a binky clattering to the floor in the next room. Baby is awake. There will be no third thing. Number 2 contains, like, three things, OK? I love you and I tried.