Sunday, December 2, 2007

The Cinematic Equivalent of a Rectal Exam from L. Ron Hubbard

As an earnest student of cinematic history and a lifelong nutter, my spouse selects movies that are less like entertainment and more like ritualistic self-flagellation via home video. (Let us not forget The Zardoz Incident.)

So I was, of course, not particularly surprised when he arrived home from the video store after being tasked with bringing back Veronica Mars Season 3, Disk 5 and said: "Let me just say: you're not going to like what I rented."

"What? What is it? They didn't have Veronica Mars?"

"No."

"What did you get?"

"I wanted to see this a long time ago and I've always meant to watch it and you're going to freak out. I rented Battlefield Earth."

"Well. Okaaaay. On the bright side, you just gave me something to post about."

6 comments:

cmw said...

LOL and my sympathies.

(found you on Holidailies)

Mrs. G. said...

I know we have had this conversation before and I'm sure that I mentioned that in order for a marriage to survive, each spouse must have his or her own Netflix account. Separate queues, baby.

L. Ron Hubbard said...

"Hubbard's Guide to the Galaxy"

Warning: this film may cause Scientologists to become silly-embarrassed, and drive Body Thetan counts up to levels not equalled in 356 trillion years.

CGI looks like it came directly from the PC to the screen without any messy production in the middle.

Lots of slow-mo (to intensify psychic pain)

Unintentional, editing-based humor (insert the Forest Whitaker-looking-amused-wipe here)

Travolta-plays-Travolta-playing evil with expected results.

Production cost: $135
Estimated Profits: $1.50 (Byron, Boise Idaho)

marti the potter said...

My reply to that? Seven hours back to back of period costume historical drama, a la, Jane Austen. Makes MechanicalMan's skin crawl.

Veronica Mitchell said...

My husband and I have watched Battlefield Earth. It reached an apex of badness that captivated us. We could not look away.

But the night he brought home Event Horizon, he lost movie-picking privileges for a month.

J said...

Dang, I thought my husband and I were the only ones with a deep and abiding regret for having watched Event Horizon (aka Haunted House in Spaaaaace). It was awful.

And we've both read Battlefield Earth. So didn't need to see Travolta, as near 1000 pages is enough bad for anyone.