Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Just In Case You Were Feeling Nostalgic For Christmas

A small sampling of the gingerbread cookies that Ellie and I made on Christmas Eve for her Pop and "Santa":

Raw gingerbread girls in their big-girl panties.

Gingerbread cyclops with stigmata? And possibly chest wounds?

Gingerbread angels with "some milks." I'm assuming these are angels of this variety.
(Edited to add: They were originally eyes, but the angels had narrow heads. She had to move the eyes down.)

Smallpox tragically strikes the Gingerbread community.

I love the tiny little fingerprints smooshed into the dough. These cookies were aggressively and intimately decorated, people. Only the best for Santa.

Sadly, there are no pictures of my assistant chef because she showed up for work without any pants. And every time I turned my back on the little nudist and the bowl of raw dough, she would sneak a taste. And by "taste" I mean "fist-sized wad." I scolded her a bit.

"Ellie! No more dough, OK? You could make yourself sick eating that much dough."

"OK."

"You'll be sick for Christmas. You won't eat anymore?"

"I'm not eating it anymore. Ellie not eating it anymore."

I turned my back, put a cookie sheet in the oven, and turned around to discover this:

"Maaaaam, I not eating the dough. Look at dinosaur! Oh, brother, dinosaur. Heh. Cock-a-doodle."

(Editor's note: Kindly avert your eyes from the blurry, pantless child in the background. And, what with the pantlessness and questionable gingerbread content and raw egg ingesting, kindly refrain from contacting C.P.S, OK? Thanks. You're a peach. Cock-a-doodle.)

20 comments:

Professor J said...

Oh, brother, Dinosaur.

Does she still say Cockadoodle? I'm thinking that is an excellent word I just may steal from Ellie.

Cheri said...

That is excellent, from start to finish!

Family Adventure said...

Stigmata?

Oh my gawd - you are funny!

Heidi

stephanie said...

Your descriptions of the questionably decorated gingerbread folk are absolutely brilliant. And I reserve that adverb/adjective combo only for the brightest in my world.

Your girl gets it, too, for the dinosaur sneaking dough. And for not wearing pants (wouldn't we all want to hang out like that more often?).

bipolarlawyercook said...

I thought angels were sexless and feature less. My mom never taught me about angel boobies.

Melanie said...

J: She isn't saying Cock-a-doodle much anymore. Sad. You're welcome to pick up the baton.

BFC: She actually called them "eyes." The angels had really narrow heads, so she had to move them down. Then she thought they might be "milks."

Kelly @ Love Well said...

We had a rather insidious case of smallpox attack our Christmas cookies, too. Tragic, really.

On the up side, I don't have to worry about the cinnamon hearts going stale in my cupboard anymore.

Life As I Know It said...

Baking gingerbread cookies is a favorite Christmas tradition here too.
Looks like you made some yummy ones!

Tootsie Farklepants said...

This was hilarious! I'm still laughing. I don't know which was funnier...the stigmata? The chest wounds? The smallpox? The showing up for work without pants?

I AM VERY MARY said...

I have never before had such fun looking at Christmas cookies. Thank you.

MamaBird said...

Awesome, awesome (can you tell the 80s were formative years?), awesome. This is so perfect. Maybe in your off hours you can develop a line of hair-shirt toddler aprons. And that dinosaur is actually pretty delicate in its snacking. Gbread people much better call than the house building fiasco our family engineered last year...if you get the urge, just remember: extra frosting+pre-building=happy tots. Except if you have a kid like my cousin's son who never gets access to sugar day to day... "Moooom, I don't feel well, I don't think I can finish right now" (his plate of 6 gingerbread people and a house).

Lisa Milton said...

I didn't know that I was nostalgic until I read your post.

Those are some mighty fine cookies.

Claire B. said...

Hilarious and sweet. Especially the little fingerprint parts. Good thing you recorded it forever.

Nora Bee said...

You're cracking me up over here. Maybe if I made cookies with no pants on I would be as creative.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

As long as you don't call them on me, I won't call them on you. Deal?

Bunny Bunster said...

Great post!

Echo said...

Dinosaurs often take the heat in our household too.

Rima said...

All of the gingerbread people are fabulous, but smallpox wins, hands-down.

katydidnot said...

not pictured...gingerbread acne. i have an ellie too...she mostly wears pants now though.

Veronica Mitchell said...

LOVE the dinosaur. Sneaky, sneaky. And cute.