Thursday, January 24, 2008

She's My Shelby. Or Possibly My Ouiser.

Here is a brief, accurate list of the things my three-year-old daughter says EVERY SINGLE DAMN DAY as I attempt to detangle, brush, and style her hair:

"Use the tiny baby brush. Only the tiny baby brush."

"I don't like thaaaat brush."

"Gentle. Geeeentle, Mama."

"That is NOT GENTLE!"

"Soft and slow. Soft and slow. Slower!"

"Oww. Ouch! ARDK*%MVK*ZX**@@KDVE#AEOZ!!!!"

"Brush Jimmy, Mama. BRUSH JIMMY."

"This is not a good idea!"

"I don't even WANT my hairs! I notta like hairs!"


Lather, rinse, repeat.

With this level of drama, shouting, mother/daughter tension and hair-styling activities, you'd think Ellie and I were staging our own two-woman summer stock show of "Steel Magnolias."

Except, we're not doing the Southern accents very well. And my co-star keeps forgetting to actually be funny. And we really need a Truvy, but I'm thinking Jimmy would look convincing in a wig, bra and falsies. Just don't tell his father.

22 comments:

ewe are here said...

Suddenly I'm glad I have boys with short hair...

Although we do have our battles re shampooing and rinsing.

Veronica Mitchell said...

We have the hair wars around her, too, but my girls just cry.

And hey! I just got my two-year-old that very dress!

I AM VERY MARY said...

Mine has CURLY hair. THICK. CURLY. Tangled masses of rats and knots. One of these days, she'll care about it. Until then? Well, I don't care either.

Robot Dancers said...

My neice only freaks out when gettinig her hair washed and then she tealls herself outloud "It's only water. It's ooooonly water."

bipolarlawyercook said...

I would love a voice recording of the &^%DJSHJFH&*&*&*&, I love it when toddlers swear.

I have an award for you over at my site, btw.

Sweet Pepita said...

"Brush Jimmy, Mama. BRUSH JIMMY." That's brilliant! Too funny.

stephanie said...

Love it. Makes me feel less homicidal about brushing my daughter's hair. At 7, she's turning away from amusing one-liners to hearty growls and hateful glares; sometimes there is stomping.

Best of luck.

Lisa Milton said...

Oh the hair drama. I wish you were sailing into a blissful movie, where the daughter comes to realize just how brilliant the mother is, long before it's too late.

But every year I lose my luster. I hope someday, someday.

{And damn. I need a Truvy, period. That woman was so stinkin' happy and could help me with my own hair drama. *sigh*}

Tootsie Farklepants said...

Amen. My daughter starts crying foul before I've even touched her hair with a brush. So I'm convinced it doesn't really hurt her at all.

I heart Steel Magnolias.

Rima said...

Sounds a lot like our house. The V-meister finally conceded to a chin length bob last weekend (lured by a promise to have hair just like Mama's). It helps a little.

Mrs. G. said...

Leave my Jimmy alone!

I love girl drama...especially in other people's homes.

Life As I Know It said...

I think I'm glad I have boys right now!
I remember having similar battles when I was little with my mom. I hated getting my hair washed and combed!

hippyhappyhay said...

It reminds me of a little story...
My friends daughter, 3 at the time, went outside to the car. It was locked, but the window was open. So she got a stool and climbed through the window, where she then popped the boot open. She climbed back out the window, and around to the open boot. She got the first aid kit out of it, opened it, pulled out the scissors, and.....chopped off ALL her hair.
So the moral is, at least she has hair to brush, lol.
Try lots of conditioner spray, my girls think its magical, I'm not allowed near their heads without it!

dlyn said...

Braids, daylight till dark and then till daylight again. It is the only way.

Amy the Mom said...

God how I love the horrible southern accents and overacting in that movie.

Annelise is 12 and still acts like that with her hair. Apparently her scalp is made of tissue paper.

Melanie said...

Well, may I just say: GIRL-CHILDREN OF THE WORLD! Partake of a chill pill! Why all the follicular drama?

I'm comforted, though, by everyone else's similar problems.

You people with boys: hush.

Professor J said...

"I don't even WANT my hairs!" That's what I was saying this morning.

Ophelia Rising said...

Oh my God, did I ever have these fights with my Mom! I think the more I fought with her, the jerkier her arm movements became, as she wielded that comb through my "rat's nest" of a tangle.

To this day, I don't particularly like to comb my hair. I also think it might explain my obsession with splotching gobs of conditioner on my head while showering.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

This would be exactly why my daughter started doing her own hair at age 5.

Nora Bee said...

I love that she knows about not good ideas! This means that you are a wonderful mother, of course.

Family Adventure said...

LOL! Short boy hair never sounded so good!!!

Heidi

Sojourner said...

I recall making some of the same comments when my mother brushed my hair every morning. Waking my father was not a good thing, and it happened regularly, until finally, when I was 10- that's right 10 years old he finally gave in and let me get my hair cut. It has been short ever since and I am now 50 years old :).