Secret Confession Time:
There is a certain song, a song that, if it comes on the radio while I am alone in the car or over the speakers while I am pushing a cart through a grocery store, I always, always listen to every single word. If in the car, I turn the radio up; if in the store, I slow way down, possibly taking a detour through the relative quiet of the feminine hygiene aisle. I hang on the bridge as it kicks into the final chorus, savoring every cheesy lyric and chord change. If I am premenstrual, I may actually tear up a little, so help me God. It is a strange, shameful thing.
This certain song is "After All" as performed by....Peter Cetera and Cher. Oy.
(Please to be enjoying this clip, wherein a loving fan has inexplicably used "After All" to score photographs of U.S. figure skater Michelle Kwan. I'm deeply thankful that there was no Internet when I was a teenager.)
Though I know every word, I don't sing along, because that would be....I don't know. Maybe I'm not comfortable dueting with Cher. Maybe singing would compromise my ability to appreciate the fine, fine performance of Mr. Cetera. Maybe it would cross some sort of line, put me on a slippery slope down to other unsavory, eccentric behaviors like collecting Franklin Mint plates and taping soap operas.
But, in the moment of the song, I am digging it hard and thinking yes, they are exactly like two angels who've been rescued from the fall and then the song ends, and I kind of want to kill myself.
So, do tell....what's your guiltiest, most cringe-worthy song pleasure? (And no cheating: "Don't Stop Believing" and "Gloria" are legitimately kick-ass songs. You'll have to do better than that.)
The person with the worst song will win something for their humiliation, and that something may or may not be the soundtrack to "Chances Are." On cassette.