Monday, June 23, 2008

Come For The Chex Mix, Stay For The Blech

I have read everyone's great (and ridiculously generous) comments from this post, and two things occur to me: 1) Wow. and 2) I cannot believe the enduring popularity of Crouton Lung. It seems the Legend of Crouton Lung will never die. (And, by the way, that death can't come soon enough for some people. Every few weeks, Byron will casually say something like, "I read your blog and I thought today's post was really funny. REALLY FUNNY. Way funnier than Crouton Lung, which actually isn't that funny. This one was much, much funnier. Funny." Hint, hint.)

Honestly, I am completely overwhelmed by all the kind, enthusiastic, supportive sentiments (and great links which I am slowly adding, bit by bit, over there in the sidebar) and it's always just plain fun to see how people found their way to a site. I love that kind of forensic information. For my money, the absolute best part of a statcounter is the list of search terms that land random people on your blog. Sometimes I see that people came here for putz houses or the French word for raccoon or reasons why Babar is so weird and I feel really pleased and even hopeful that they found what they were looking for, that I provided someone, somewhere with actual information. (Of course many of those random people are looking for something moderately repellent and, though I'm faintly sorry to disappoint, I still hope they learned something, like never to rent Battlefield Earth, not even as a joke.)

But the choicest bits in the search term goldmine are the ones coming from absolute far left field, the charming head scratchers, the total oddballs like the infamous jerky query. A string of search terms is like a perfect, cryptic, little snapshot of a complete stranger's innermost thoughts and questions and quandaries at a precise moment in time. Love it.

So here, in no particular order, are my favorite recent search terms (with editorial commentary):

10. marinating meat in diet dr. pepper (I have a feeling this is some awful, Atkins-sanctioned idea and would like to formally say NO, don't treat your meat like that.)

9. is kool-aid or soda better for your heart? (Dude, hie thee to a cardiologist, stat.)

8. list of abilities/skills that people possess (The delightful vagueness of this is too much. And note to self: must post list of abilities/skills for reference by the general public.)

7. what does bean paste taste like? (Unicorns.)

6. well here we are again I guess it must be fate I love that song (Well, come on over and join my sad little club, why don't you? Losers love company. And by any chance is your name Peter Cetera?)

5. melanie blech (Gee, thanks.)

4. photos of latex allergy on hand looks gross (The day I post pictures of my rashes on the Internet is the day of the Second Coming. Mark your calendars.)

3. is there food in my lung (Oy.)

2. under five dollar vibrators (Oh, those dirty, relentlessly thrifty Yankees!)

1. how to deal with a silent husband (Aww, man. This kind of broke my heart, actually.)

And my favorite: roomba kills baby? (Listen, I can personally vouch for Roomba. He's lonely, but rarely murderous.)

But, far and away, the number one thing that brings random people to this blog is that hateful, vile, painfully delicious Furikake Chex Mix. I get at least twenty people a day (mostly in Hawaii) looking for a fix. It's just that fatty carbtacular, people. The good people of Hawaii are rarely wrong, unless you count SPAM.

stir

If you missed the recipe the first time around, read about it here. It just might change your life, Oprah-style, with less self-actualization and vegan-style fasting and more self-loathing and corn syrup. If you have any summer road-trips or camping coming up, you should make some. And even if, like me, you plan on some really intensive not-driving, not-camping, not-relieving-yourself-outdoors this summer? Make some. Do it.

It's too late for swimsuit diets anyway.

18 comments:

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Yeah, yeah, content, whatever. Who can take their eyes off the deliciously summery and adorable header?! You. Are. Talented.

i am very mary said...

I found you by looking for "pasty children in frog shoes and diapers". Or wait, maybe it was "sassy midwestern lunatic face woman head". I can't remember.

stephanie (bad mom) said...

I LOVE YOU! And your blech.

You made me cry happily with your very pithy comebacks to the crazy, crazy queries. (The "under five dollars vibrators" is simultaneously sad & horrifying).

Rock on, you unicorn-flavored beanpaste girl you.

bluemountainsmary said...

Would you mind very much if I didn't make the chex mix.

Good.

I think I will stick to plain soya crisps.

And chocolate. Now there's an idea. Choc covered soya crisps.

hippyhappyhay said...

Roomba kills baby?
It's always the quiet ones.

J. said...

It is because of you, Melanie, and those interesting content searches you talk about that I started using Google Analytics -- and got Potpourri for $500 to use it too. THANK YOU.

While I did not find you by Googling "bean paste," which I have had, and it is delicious, I bet those who did find you through that search found your blog equally if not more tasty.

And while not as amusing as the phrases that have led people to your blog (you are anything but "blech"), I do have "prostitute near Mohegan Sun," which has led around a half dozen very disappointed folks to my blog.

Jenn said...

Loved the It's too late for swimsuit diets anyway! Too funny as I sit here eating my blizzard for breakfast because like you said it's too late anyway! Have a good day!

Lisa Milton said...

Crouton Lung is legendary and with good reason.

I loved that post.

I will come back, during the vegan and the non-vegan. You remain one of my favorite blogs and I am not a good liar.

standing still said...

Apparently I missed the sweet salty crunchyness of the first chex mix post, and I regret not having it through the VERY LONG WINTER.

Mrs. G. said...

This mix is heavenly. Heavenly.

dharmamama said...

I don't self-loathe over food any more. Life's too short. Is that self-actualized? Or just laziness? I mean, I made the Mountain Dew/crescent roll apple "dumplings" from Pioneer Woman without batting an eye. (And, oh.em.gee. they were good) What's a little corn syrup?

I don't really like people knowing what I searched for -- I mean, they don't know it's *me*, but still... I've done some doozies. I even get nervous with those counters on some people's blogs that shout (in my mind anyway) "someone arrived from Charlotte, NC!" What happened to anonymity on the internet?

Kammie said...

I come for the writing and the pictures of my gorgeous niece and nephew; I stay for the under five dollar vibrators. (That's what she said!)

sweetennui said...

Wow! This is the first time I have read your blog and it WAS the Furikake mix that brought me here and then I said, "This woman is awesome I wonder what her blog looks like today..." And THIS was the post. Spoooooky.

The Girl Next Door said...

Yum I missed the mix the first time and will definitely try it. Seems gaining weight is my sport of the month...

The Cheap Chick said...

That is it. THAT IS IT, I SAY. You simply must move to Minnesota and become my new best friend. You are way too much fun to be languishing in Idaho. MOVE HERE.

Jackie Tx said...

i thought that orange thing was a hunk of cheese. it confused me so that i turned my head like a dog does when it is very confused. and by doing this i saw it was a spatula not a hunk of cheese. ah prehpas when a dog tilts its head to the side it does actually make sence to him!! or her.

bipolarlawyercook said...

Hey! I like Spam!

Miss Ive said...

I saw your 'luuuurve' comment on Bossy's latest Family Tree post and had to find out who else in this WIDE WORLD reserves that form of the word for old flames gone awry. It's my first time to your blog, and though I visit many new sites daily, yours has inspired me to learn how to figure out this 'bookmark favorites' thingy. Wish me luck.