I have read everyone's great (and ridiculously generous) comments from this post, and two things occur to me: 1) Wow. and 2) I cannot believe the enduring popularity of Crouton Lung. It seems the Legend of Crouton Lung will never die. (And, by the way, that death can't come soon enough for some people. Every few weeks, Byron will casually say something like, "I read your blog and I thought today's post was really funny. REALLY FUNNY. Way funnier than Crouton Lung, which actually isn't that funny. This one was much, much funnier. Funny." Hint, hint.)
Honestly, I am completely overwhelmed by all the kind, enthusiastic, supportive sentiments (and great links which I am slowly adding, bit by bit, over there in the sidebar) and it's always just plain fun to see how people found their way to a site. I love that kind of forensic information. For my money, the absolute best part of a statcounter is the list of search terms that land random people on your blog. Sometimes I see that people came here for putz houses or the French word for raccoon or reasons why Babar is so weird and I feel really pleased and even hopeful that they found what they were looking for, that I provided someone, somewhere with actual information. (Of course many of those random people are looking for something moderately repellent and, though I'm faintly sorry to disappoint, I still hope they learned something, like never to rent Battlefield Earth, not even as a joke.)
But the choicest bits in the search term goldmine are the ones coming from absolute far left field, the charming head scratchers, the total oddballs like the infamous jerky query. A string of search terms is like a perfect, cryptic, little snapshot of a complete stranger's innermost thoughts and questions and quandaries at a precise moment in time. Love it.
So here, in no particular order, are my favorite recent search terms (with editorial commentary):
10. marinating meat in diet dr. pepper (I have a feeling this is some awful, Atkins-sanctioned idea and would like to formally say NO, don't treat your meat like that.)
9. is kool-aid or soda better for your heart? (Dude, hie thee to a cardiologist, stat.)
8. list of abilities/skills that people possess (The delightful vagueness of this is too much. And note to self: must post list of abilities/skills for reference by the general public.)
7. what does bean paste taste like? (Unicorns.)
6. well here we are again I guess it must be fate I love that song (Well, come on over and join my sad little club, why don't you? Losers love company. And by any chance is your name Peter Cetera?)
5. melanie blech (Gee, thanks.)
4. photos of latex allergy on hand looks gross (The day I post pictures of my rashes on the Internet is the day of the Second Coming. Mark your calendars.)
3. is there food in my lung (Oy.)
2. under five dollar vibrators (Oh, those dirty, relentlessly thrifty Yankees!)
1. how to deal with a silent husband (Aww, man. This kind of broke my heart, actually.)
And my favorite: roomba kills baby? (Listen, I can personally vouch for Roomba. He's lonely, but rarely murderous.)
But, far and away, the number one thing that brings random people to this blog is that hateful, vile, painfully delicious Furikake Chex Mix. I get at least twenty people a day (mostly in Hawaii) looking for a fix. It's just that fatty carbtacular, people. The good people of Hawaii are rarely wrong, unless you count SPAM.
If you missed the recipe the first time around, read about it here. It just might change your life, Oprah-style, with less self-actualization and vegan-style fasting and more self-loathing and corn syrup. If you have any summer road-trips or camping coming up, you should make some. And even if, like me, you plan on some really intensive not-driving, not-camping, not-relieving-yourself-outdoors this summer? Make some. Do it.
It's too late for swimsuit diets anyway.