Monday, July 28, 2008

Home(life) Improvement

newkitchenpaint
After flinging our children into the car of some loving grandparents first thing Saturday morning, Byron and I spent the weekend feverishly completing some home improvement projects. (Though not The Wall. The Wall currently has a stay of execution because this lady governor feels sorry for it.) We freshened up the kitchen with some glossy blue-green paint, paint that I'm sure is nearly as powerful as a daily dose of Cymbalta, and as long as we were in there, we decided to pull out the fridge and stove for a good, long-overdue cleaning.

I recently noticed (or Ellie loudly, repeatedly, incessantly pointed out) that one or two of our magnetic alphabet letters were missing and I was sure they were under the stove. They were, along with one completely filthy pie plate, and, due to the space constraints of our wee kitchen, Byron had to fish the lot out with a garden hoe. And these, no joke, were the missing letters:

ehss eee ecks
So, you know, if you or your partner should be wondering where that went exactly, check under your major appliances, preferably while any and all children are out of the house.

And P.S.: Having a good hoe around doesn't hurt, either.

47 comments:

amy turn sharp of doobleh-vay said...

that is the best thing I have seen all day! Laughing out loud!

Lisa Milton said...

Hoes are good for fishing out the S E X, wherever it gets away from you.

(That really is blog fodder magic. Do it again! Again.)

dharmamama said...

Hmm... I'm thinking that being on your hands and knees could help things right along, too.

{blush} Sorry.

Nice paint!

She's A Rebel said...

No. Way. That's just too good.

hippyhappyhay said...

If sex involved cleaning out the oven, I'd have way less children.

You are amazing. Blog more often. Please.

smalltownmom said...

That's great! I didn't find anything but dirt when I pulled my fridge out last week.

Heather said...

I need to check under our fridge. Our S-E-X has gone missing...;)

princessofsomething said...

Nothing says fun like sex under the stove with a hoe. That's what I always say.

Seriously, that is hilarious.

Wanna come clean behind my appliances?

Chris said...

Ahhhh! What a great post!

Now that you've found it, I'd be trying to lose it again (tired mother syndrome here), or I'd ask the hoe to lend a helping hand...

www.csquaredplus3.typepad.com

Mike Golch said...

at first I was wondering this was going whe I saw in my reader. thank you fro the chuckle. Hugs and God's Blessings.-Mike G. said that.(its an A.A. thing)

Stacy (mama-om) said...

So that's where it's gone!

We have missing letters, too, magnetically stuck to the BOTTOM of our fridge, never to be retrieved in this lifetime.

I am certain the letters are... C - L - E - A - N - L - I - N - E - S - S.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Leave it to Hoe to bring back the S E X.

J. said...

I think the dustbunnies are trying to tell you something, Melanie.

You got rid of the kids and you decided to CLEAN THE HOUSE? (Shaking head sadly.) And now you've gone soft on The Wall?!

Well, at least you didn't lose your sense of humor under the fridge. And the glossy blue paint does look lovely.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

That is fantastic!

Tina said...

Too funny...thanks for the laugh!

standing still said...

Your perfect blogging life. You couldn't write that shit. NICE color, too, btw. LOVE the clock.

iCarrie said...

My husband has been searching for ours....I'm telling him to check under the stove. (and the fridge while he's in that general area)

Fabulous post!

I finally got so annoyed with our magnetic letters that I would just toss them when they ended up on the kitchen floor.

katydidnot said...

that's twilight zone stuff, that is.

amanda said...

tee how, how convenient!

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Ho? Or Hoe?

I'm sorry. I couldn't stop myself.

Now I'm off to look under the stove . . .

Sheri said...

That's hysterical. But no way am I looking for that under my major appliances. If it's there, it can just stay there!

Although, my kids are going to spend a few days a grandma's this week, my husband thinks he's going to find the same thing you did...

Tootsie Farklepants said...

I really like your clock. Really.

stephanie (bad mom) said...

Everything you say in this post is so supremely intelligent.

I am awestruck.

(Stu is right now pulling the fridge away from the wall).

stu said...

Did you find any little letters running around after you found the big letters gettin' busy under the stove?

-Stu

bluemountainsmary said...

Well this was definitely a post I needed to read today!

bluemountainsmary said...

In that of course it made me laugh !

Casey said...

I think your kitchen is telling you to quit cleaning while the kids are out of the house...

justjuli said...

I would agree that the cheery blue paint in the kitchen will help to counter act the depressing effects of "the wall".

I'm sure that the S-E-X would do wonders for that as well.

Hey - it's worth a try!
:)
~juli

ps: I painted my kitchen a bright, asparagus green. It just cheers me up each time I go in there.

Jenn said...

That is too funny !

iloveupstate.com said...

My Mom has those cake plates...I used to beg/demand to be the one to turn the thing around to "unstick" the cake.

Did my box show up yet? My postman is a crackhead (no, really, I mean it...).

Angie said...

"having a ho(e) around", thanks - you just gave me a good morning laugh!

MamaBird said...

ah, too perfect! and it reminded me (your hilarious post) of this quirky sad story from amy t sharp a while back:

http://doobleh-vay.blogspot.com/2008/07/but-here-in-my-heart-i-give-you-best-of.html

~m said...

So THAT'S where it is.

Thanks for the tip AND nice paint, too...

The (new) cheap chick said...

Bwahahahahahaha!!!! Too funny - sex under the stove. Like sex on the beach, but a bit more cramped.

And who is the hoe in this story? You, or Byron?

Kelly @ Love Well said...

You are so freakin' hysterical!

I think Fridge S-E-X would be a great name for a band, by the way.

I'm Julie said...

I don't care... I'm still not cleaning under my freakin' refrigerator. Whatever is under MY fridge can just stay there.

Lovin' my man up, but COME ON. Some things are just too nasty.

(Under the fridge I mean. What did you think I meant??)

Love the post - thanks for the laugh!

wehave9 said...

FUNNY! I wonder if I can find the letters M-O-N-E-Y under my appliances? Maybe if I sell them...

Amy the Mom said...

Top 10 Blog Post of ALL TIME.

Amazing.

Christy said...

Love, love love BeanPaste!

I think our fridge is only hosting a few Leapfrog 1/2 farm animals. Sigh....

K said...

Am I the only one who loves the music from the Cymbalta commercial?

Magpie said...

so totally funny.

Iva said...

You just can't make that stuff up.

I love the color in the kitchen - such a change from the standard yellow.

Minnesota Matron said...

Had my husband read this one. Too funny!

Louise said...

I am SO laughing! Well-written!

family-of-five said...

sister, how did you get so damn funny? I like to keep my S-E-X on the kitchen table, though; I'm wild like that.

Amy said...

That is hilarious! There is no way you could get that to happen again!

Anonymous said...

Hi, can you please email me and tell me what colour paint you have on your kitchen wall? my email address is sweetsmile@ilovejesus.net