First, tell your mother you want a "Dalmatian Plantation" for your birthday, but most especially you'd like a dalmatian cake. Design tip: it should have spots and lots of them. Your mother will lovingly construct a giant, teetering, four-layer, spotted monstrosity, and you will tell her, "Oh, THANK YOU for the LOVELY cake, Mommy!" because you are a pal like that. You won't even notice the crooked side (or you're just too polite to point it out).
You should have lots of food...
...including hot dogs, which really work with the theme, though on a slightly disturbing level.
Don't forget the games. Perhaps a rousing game of Slap the Felt Spot On The Dalmatian? Aces.
And who doesn't love a nice piñata? Though do be sure to opt for the piñata that isn't reinforced with rebar and industrial-strength NASA spaceglue. Trust me.
When everyone is gathered around singing "Happy Birthday" to you, it can get a little embarrassing. It's perfectly understandable if you close your eyes and hold perfectly still, as if attempting to avoid a bear mauling or detection by a mountain lion or something. Your mom totally gets it. She has only enjoyed being sung to in public on a handful of occasions, and those occasions involved copious amounts of birthday liquor, which is not the least bit appropriate when you are four.
Because your cake weighs more than you, you'll really need to put your back into the blowing-out process.
Good job, you.
Don't forget to lurk nearby during the cake-cutting because you don't want to miss all the frosting-sneaking opportunities. It really is important to frequently sneak frosting on your birthday because, kid: life offers so few frosting-sneaking opportunities.
When you're done unwrapping presents, ask your parents to pile up all the tissue and wrapping paper so that you can roll in it for about five glorious minutes. And, lastly, consider making next year's party theme "Piles of Wrapping Paper" because, really, I think you'll get some serious enjoyment out of it.
(For the full, staggeringly giant set of pics, head over to Flickr.)