Monday, August 4, 2008

Of Pie Guts And Coriander

She Can Bake A Berry Pie, Charming Billy
I am not a huge fan of cake. If I'm going to eat something with four thousand calories on my birthday, it's going to be pie. My sweet mother made a fresh strawberry pie for my birthday dinner last night and, honestly, it was lucky there were nine other people at the table or I would have embarrassed myself with that thing.

Have My Pie And Eat It Too
And I'm not even that into pie crust or whipped cream; I am all about pie guts. Would it be disgusting to just ask my mother for a giant bowl of strawberry pie guts next year? Because I am completely willing to go there, though it may be a thing best executed in the privacy of my own home.

So, while I've been extremely busy day-dreaming about pie guts, I've also been preparing for a solo, kid-free birthday trip to Seattle this week. And though I'm excited to spend time with family and friends and walk around the city with my camera and drink coffee and go hours and hours without wiping anybody's anything, I am a bit sad about leaving the kids. Though they will be in the super-capable hands of their father (who is acting almost annoyingly nonchalant about the whole thing, which leads me to believe he's treating the four days as a kind of parenting stunt, the big show-off), I still feel antsy and strange about going. And how am I dealing with those uncomfortable emotions, you ask?

With obsessive house cleaning, organizing, and alphabetizing of the spice rack. I told Byron that, on some level, my subconscious self must worry about never coming back, about my plane diving into the Blue Mountains and my children ending up motherless and living in squalor. So this, I think, is my legacy to my children: a perfectly arranged silverware drawer so that they may never have to wonder, "Just how many salad forks do we own?"

And they will always, ALWAYS, be able to find the coriander. (Hint: it's behind the curry, though it should be behind the cumin which we are inexplicably, suddenly out of and I am leaving this family with out a single jar of cumin in the house and surely this means my plane won't go down. Surely.)


Lisa Milton said...

Mmmmm, you had me a pie guts. Those looked delectable, birthday girl.

(Hope the birthday pie was the beginning of a great year, cumin or not.)

MamaBird said...

Ohmigosh, happy birthday, have a fun trip, and say hi to Mrs. G when you two hang out in Seattle!

smalltownmom said...

I TOTALLY wish I had an alphabetized spice rack!

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

You get to meet up with mrs g? No fair!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I don't think the universe would let your children grow up in a Cumin free world.

Have fun!

princessofsomething said...

Eek. Who needs cumin when you have a pie like that?

Stacy (mama-om) said...

Three things...

I once made my dad a cake make entirely of frosting (he has a thing for frosting like you have for guts). I didn't tell him beforehand and he laughed and laughed when he cut into it.

Even though you clearly have a sickness, I wish my house was as clean as yours. ;)

And... last but not least, see you soon in Seattle, my dear!


hippyhappyhay said...

Happy Birthday Beautiful lady. Anyone who shares a birthday month with JB is top of my awesomeness book. Your pretty high up on the attractiveness scale too, so you know.

Man, Mel and Mrs G together! *runs off to hijack plane to Seattle*

(And if the FBI is reading, I am SO kidding about the plane thing - mostly)

Moriah @ Please Pass the Salt said...

Oh. I thought it was just me.


i am very mary said...

I hope that there aren't any cumin guts in the silverware drawer when you get home. Because ew.

Angie said...

I'm with you on the pie front - so yummy.

Have a great birthday trip - try not to stress too much about the kids and just enjoy.

Being out of cumin is definitely a sign that you will return safe and sound:) No self-respecting mother would leave their children

Oh and Byron? He's totally faking you out - he's scared shitless!

Angie said...

Oh crap - I just put 2 and 2 together and thought - "she's probably going to hang out with Mrs. G!"

You lucky, lucky girl - have a great time and take pictures!!

Claire B. said...

Man that's some shiny silverware. We must toast our respective birthdays when we meet up at Mrs. G.'s house! Travel safe. You will. Cumin or no cumin.

Tootsie Farklepants said...

Mmmmm...pie. Oh. Right. Sorry. heh... Happy Birthday!!!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday Dear Melanie,
Happy Birthday to YOU!

All my love...Chrissy

Natalie said...

yesterday was my birthday too and we had no cake or pie. i will now be making a pie. i just have to decide what kind i want. yum!

justjuli said...

Happy Happy Birthday!

Sounds like you celebrated deliciously. :)

And have fun on your solo trip out west - the silverware is in good shape to last at least one day into your vacation!

Csquaredplus3 said...

Happy Birthday Melanie BeanPaste!

Hope you have a fabulous time in Seattle. I empathize with your feelings about leaving the kids (written with such humor, but stemming from very real concerns). Everyone will be fine - even without the cumin.

Travel safely...

Irene said...

I like the pie guts, but I must confess to an equal love for the crust and the whipped cream, so for the whole pie, and I would be very unwilling to share any of it. Being the age that I am, I am in the process of cleaning up the house to the point that, after my funeral, there will be the least amount of work to do for those who have to clean up the place. Pretty morbid of me, huh?

Kelly @ Love Well said...

We would make a good team. I like pie guts, but I can't live without pie crust.

Together, we could take on the pies of America!

Louise said...

There is NO WAY you plane could go down if you left the house empty of cumin. NO. WAY!!!!

I would never organize the flatware, but I'm exactly like that when I leave the kids. I'm worse when we both leave the kids.

I'm with you on cakes vs. pies, but I love crust. At least my crust. Sometimes I want to make it just to eat the crust.

mypieceoftheworld said...

I'm with you on the pie. Cake has NOTHING on pie, seriously. Although I really like the crust too, as long as it's made well. I like it all.
Happy Birthday!

Nancy said...

Happy Birthday funny girl!

Friday is my birthday, and I'd much rather have pie guts than cake any ole day! My mother's blueberry is better than...dare I!?!?!?

Have a safe trip to Seattle...bring back something fun for us to look at!

Kim said...

That pie looks gooooooood. Hope you had a HAPPY BIRTHDAY and have a great trip.

bluemountainsmary said...

Happy Birthday Mel - and have a wonderful Seattle trip.

Do you mean my Blue Mountains - because if you do I would SO rescue you, take photos with you and then ensure you got home safely to your loved ones after having a few wines together.

Though my goodness that would be some crazy pilot to miss Seattle and end up here!

Nora Bee said...

Happy birthday, Melanie!
My mom makes strawberry shortcake for my bday. It's kind of like guts.

And you can bring some of that OCD cleaning mojo to MY HOUSE, you hear? The layers of sludge on the kitchen floor should take your mind off of missing your kids.

Professor J said...

Happy day, Melanie! And I hope your year is full of great things.

Sweet Pepita said...

Happy birthday!!!

Moxy Jane said... grandma and mom will go on for hours about their love of pie over cake. Give 'em pie any day!

A very happy birthday to you, happy travels, happy coming home and getting your family some dang cumin/comino (which I love in my black beans but still reminds me of stanky truck drivers).

I can't wait to see your Seattle pictures and hear all about how fabulous you all were, hanging out together, saying witty things, wearing cute shoes and being all "oh, my god, you're so right, Mrs.G.", and "Mrs. G., I know exactly what you mean" and stuff.

So, yeah, have FUN!

Moxy Jane
Austin, TX

CC said...

I love the combination of pie cuts and the base crust of pie, TO DIE FOR.

My favorite pie is pumpkin, which is non-existant in England for some reason.

I also recently refurbished my spice rack. It took me three hours. And then I knew I did a REALLY good job when no-one could find anything!

Ok, Where Was I? said...

I so agree. there's no way children can be allowed to grow up without any of the 'C' spices. That would be a travesty!