If I know anything about America right now, it's that America just luuurves cute, folksy, homespun "wisdom" from its elected officials. And in light of this trend, I would like to respectfully nominate my daughter, Eleanora John Quincy Beanpaste, for public office.
has been running her own one-woman dictatorship, governing every waking moment of a small, blonde boy for nearly two years. But Eleanora John Quincy Beanpaste hasn't let all that power go to head; she's still just your average Joe Juicebox, putting her big girl panties on one leg at a time. She's plucky, and spunky, and you just never know what's going to come out of her mouth, darn it!
A sampling of her stance on the issues...
On the economy:
"I want some McDonald's, but I not really want to earn it."
On foreign policy:
"Just walk away and don't hit. Just walk away and....eat some cake."
On the environment:
"I just can't stop thinking about fishes."
On Barack Obama:
"Barack Obama say ice changes into water." (?!?)
On gun control:
"Careful! Maaaaaan is in the forest!"
"I love Jesus. Her has a lot of fairy dust."
Confidential to B.H.O.: Should anything fall through with that Biden character, call me. Save for four hours of morning preschool per week, her schedule is wide open. Though do be advised of one tiny caveat...
The kid can't wink worth a damn.