Friday, September 25, 2009

Martha Stewart Be Bitin' Me, Yo

Back during the first week of August, Americans (nay, the world) celebrated a trifecta of Really Important Birthdays: Martha Stewart on August 3rd, Barack Obama on August 4th, And ME, Melanie Anne Beanpaste on August 5th. (I will tell you: it was simply exhausting making it to all three parties, but I put on a brave face.) Here is Barack Obama with his birthday cupcakes:

There is nothing about that picture that doesn't make me laugh, particularly because it proves even the leader of the free world is pretty damn tickled with a plate of cupcakes. (Psst: how are we feeling about cupcakes, by the way? Are they officially over? If so, what is the new cupcake? I need to get up on that trend, whatever it is, posthaste and GIT BUSY. Please advise.)

You'll notice there are no pictures of Martha and I with our own birthday cupcakes, but that's because Martha probably had her staff prepare special organic platinum-dusted cupcakes to be consumed privately with Paw-Paw and Larry King, and I, personally, gave my staff the day off. Forever. No cupcakes for me!

I did, however, recently get Martha's new book:
oohlala
And I can tell you that it's a GOLDMINE of fiddly food porn, with big, full-color photos of every cupcake...

cakes
...and dozens of really original ideas and...

beachcakes
...great recipes and...

whatsallthisthen
...what's this, then? Wait a minute.

dinocake
LOOK FAMILIAR? Look a bit similar to, oh, perhaps these:

IMG_9172
IMG_9173
(Blogged here nearly a year ago, back when the economy was initially collapsing, apparently. Fun!)

I can only come to one, perfectly logical conclusion: someone at Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia is reading Beanpaste, and that person (let's just call her "Ms. Kostyra") be bitin' me, people.

Now, I know what you're thinking, particularly those of you who are my brother. You're thinking, "Yes, that is a stunningly original idea for a cupcake, which seems to involve nothing more than a plastic dime-store dinosaur and green frosting, frosting which, btw, you kind of put on in an unappealing, coiled-turd-like fashion, and perhaps shouldn't be too worried about MARTHA STEWART stealing ideas from YOU, coiled-turd-queen of Idaho."

And you know what I say to that?

Yeah, duh, but that doesn't make for a very good blog post, does it? I think I rest my case.

(I hope it goes without saying that I totally don't think Martha Stewart stole ideas from my blog and I was completely just kidding and even if she wanted to steal, I would allow her to steal from me with big, open arms. Truth be told, I'm a little scared of her, and that is part of what really does it for me, you know?)

37 comments:

Chris said...

I thoroughly enjoy me some good food porn. I'll have to check out Martha's book. I'd check out your's... if you'd get it out there!

Tell your bro that the coiled-turd-like icing will be the next big thing in Martha's world. Just watch. You're funny!

Magpie said...

totally she stole your dinosaur. totally.

planetnomad said...

She totally stole from you and I'm not afraid to SAY IT OUT LOUD!!

Also, I do expect a bit more from Martha.

skatey katie said...

totally YO.
she even has the sugar sprinkles.
i prefer your chocolate ones X

Rima said...

Next thing you know, it'll be the Oreo turkeys. She betta' WATCH HERSELF.

Kelly said...

Martha scares the crap out of me too. Dude, I'm not even sure you should keep this tongue-in-cheek post up.

Melanie said...

Haaaa, I forgot about the turkeys, Rima.

Kelly, you're right. SHE'S BEEN TO PRISON, for Lord's sake.

J. said...

Cupcakes? Over? NEVER!!!

Btw, you guys have GOT to check out my friend's cupcake blog, Little Miss Cupcake. She's an American in Paris, wooing Parisians to our thinking one buttercreamy cupcake at a time. : )

Btw, Mel, I still want to know where you blow that wiener whistle.

Melanie said...

J, I feel like any minute the cupcake thing will be deemed OVAH by the powers that be, and there will be Something Else, and I really need to figure out what Something Else will be. If you help me, we can split the giant pile of money.

(The Wiener Whistle has holes on both ends because that's how he rolls.)

Kristen M. said...

Okay ... as I'm hoping that cupcakes ARE over soon, I'm putting all my imaginary moolah behind pocket pies. That's right. I'm predicting it. All different fruity combinations, cute little cutouts, and the same portability as the sugar-bombs that everyone is inhaling right now.

Melanie said...

Kristen, pie seems like a natural evolution (particularly because pie and economic disasters go together like, well, pie and my mouth) but I'm concerned about the crust/filling ration in the wee pies. Too much crust?

(And, yes, I really just voiced CONCERN FOR CRUST/FILLING RATIOS. It's a full life.)

Kelly said...

Cupcakes will never be over. I won't have it. Cupcakes FOREVER!

But, having said that, I do enjoy pie. Mmmmm, pie...

Laura @ the shorehouse. said...

Oh, that is rich. Ms. Kostyra totally be bitin' on you, you.

At the trendy little bakeries by me, seems that "baby cakes" are the new It cake. Larger than a cupcake, quite smaller than an 8" round. And with the word "baby" cleverly a part of the equation, you don't feel as bad about eating a cake meant for four all yourself.

Jenn said...

How funny...you never know maybe someone from her team stole it from you !

AmyJo said...

I love cupcakes. It's like a wee party on your plate. Now I want a cupcake.

Hay said...

Bitch. I recall she stole something from Saucy's blog too, some shoe thingee. I wonder if anything Martha Stewart is original these days.


Also, those are pretty lame Obamacakes dude, I thought you guys liked your president.

Also, also, Happy belated birthday girl!

JessTrev said...

@amyjo - they may look weak, but that's cause our Prezzie has his own *pastry chef* to whip them up and he don't mind if they look, ah, homemade. ObamaFoodorama was just writing about cupcakes today!

http://obamafoodorama.blogspot.com/2009/09/white-house-cupcake-habit.html

Let's just say that people in higher places than Martha may be reading BeanPaste. I think your post was properly deferential, btw, and I think she may even be making you a poncho.

Paige said...

mmm cupcakes and pie, together.

surely you have seen the cakewrecks blog... you gotsta find it & enjoy it.

http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/

frantically heidi said...

Did Obama actually eat an entire plate full of cupcakes? How does he stay so slim?
Binge eating...purging?
Hmmm?

The Green Stone Woman said...

Martha Stewart is way too perfect and her cupcakes are probably too precious. I think I prefer your cupcakes with the nice dollop of icing. They look more authentic and more munchable.

J. said...

@Melanie: Plastics. Oh wait. The next big thing (just don't tell anyone): Pie. Yes, pie is making a big comeback. You heard it here first. (Apparently there is some new diet that allows you to have a slice of pie on Wednesday nights, and it is all the rage, at least according to Bonnie Hunt.)

P.S. Thanks for the whistle explanation. Clearly that whistle was invented by a man.

J. said...

@Kristen M.: Somehow glided over your comment. (Haven't had my morning pie -- or cupcake -- yet.) YES.

Emily said...

I be lovin' that disclaimer, sister.

Hillary said...

While not telling what comes next, the people at Slate agree with you: http://www.slate.com/id/2227216/
As for what's next, there's a frozen custard place that recently opened in town. One off fluke, or wave of the future?

heidi said...

they shoulda given you props! Besides, yours look MUCH better, ESPECIALLY in the frosting dept.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

By way of apology for stealing your cupcake decorating ideas Martha should hire you to take the photos for her next cookbook. It would be what they call a win-win.

Nora said...

The. Cupcake. Is. Not. Dead.
You blaspheme!

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analienparisienne said...

I came here as David Lebovitz mentions & links your Furikake Chex Mix recipe in his most recent post (Oct 6 - http://www.davidlebovitz.com/archives/2009/10/fish_farm.html). I have been sitting here, chortling away at your posts!! It has been a while since a blog has made me go "Bwah hah!" out loud, and you are the prizewinner, definitely for the day, probably for the last month, and maybe even the past six months! Oh what fun this blog is! :) Coming here today really made my day -- thank you.

Jodi said...

I laughed out loud at this one. Especially the coiled turd portion. Quick question. Do you use a macro lens or am I just singularly awful at photography? None of my stuff comes out as appealingly. Thanks for the fun!

Anonymous said...

I've told you that your work belongs in magazines. What more proof do you need?
--T. Sego

Fantastic Forrest said...

Your dino cupcakes are so much better than hers. Martha's are a pale imitation, devoid of the coiled turd motif which makes them so unique.

I do want to make some of those sand dollar ones in the book, though! Coolio.

Happy belated birthday! And I LOVE the photo of the Prez.

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